He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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