please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a search helicopter?!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
