Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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