I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
