The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
