I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
