there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
