Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My legs feel like baby dolphins
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
