Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
