i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
