Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
