i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
