I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
