you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
