Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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