she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would ride that face into the sunset
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
