my phone needs a breathalizer
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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