I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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