Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
