the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
