I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
