He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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