Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
