Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
