the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
