Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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