i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
