You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its not stalking. its research.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
