last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
