when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
