Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize