I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he thought i was a dude.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
