Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
