It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
