I could make wine with my vomit
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
