Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
love makes seman taste better
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
