yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
