I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
