Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
