Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
