you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
