I just cut my nipple shaving
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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