I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
