I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
