the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
