I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
