I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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