I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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