I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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