Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
