It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you traded sex for a burrito?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
