How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
