You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
