He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
