Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
