It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
