I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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