The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
