More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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