i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
