Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
