I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
