so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
