did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
