I cockslap morals
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
