You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
