Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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