Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
