OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
