So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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