Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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