WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
