so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The uberlube is also flammable
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
