if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
