Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
