His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
