im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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