he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
