allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
