Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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