I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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