This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
