i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize