do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
