One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
