I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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