hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
