maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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