I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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