You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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