I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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