Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
