PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
