hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
