It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
