Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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