I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
