when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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