Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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