Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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