We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
