I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
