I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
