I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
God gave him joint rollers for hands
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
