I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize