Where is the hickey?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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