Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
