You're so nebulous sometimes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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