Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
